Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Ambivalence

I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.

Do you know what that means, ambivalence? If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...

It means I don't care. That's what it means.

On the contrary, Ambivalence suggests strong feelings... in opposition. The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." The word suggests that you are torn... between two opposing courses of action.

Will I stay or will I go?

Am I sane... or, am I crazy?

Those aren't courses of action.

They can be, dear - for some.

Well, then - it's the wrong word.

No. I think it's perfect.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Everyday...


100 babies are born here

1 person dies from suicide

Why do people kill themselves? Do they really want to die?

This isn't only about David Widjaja. It's about people like Magdalene, people like Marilyn Monroe

People like us.

Why do people kill themselves? Is it out of desperation? Isolation? or a lack of consolation?

Who's fault is it really? Will we every see them again? What does God have to say about this?

Who's fault is it? Parents? The school? Society? God? Are we truly responsible for our own actions, or will we succumb even this bit of lucidity before the wrist is slit?

Who is to blame? Have we talked enough? Have we even the chance?

"I'm sorry if I let you down. You are not alone. I am here for you. Stay with me. Believe. Hope. Have faith. Fight."

Live.

It's not about just talking.

It's about doing... Do we listen hard enough? Have we really done enough... for me and you?

Who's my resolution? Only God is. Nobody else will do.

Will you...

Blame.Fault.Succumb.Die.

Choose.Live.Do.God.

Don't die. Just God. Amen.


Image:cantoncrosswalk.com
Stats:http://www.singstat.gov.sg/stats/keyind.html

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

It's a funny thing about coming home...

... Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.

(CCBB)


Hi. I'm back typing in this forgotten space.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Hiatus


Projects. Inconsiderates. Perseverance.


Catch ya later

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Free Smells

Rant of sorts.

It is every foodie's worst nightmare, an underrated handicap and an often-neglected privilege we enjoy.

I learnt mine the hard way when my sense of smell was taken away from me some 3 days back, without my knowledge. Before even coming to terms with the sudden change of SOLELY feeling air running through my nostrils, what came along was overwhelming.

Imagine not smelling the soap and shampoo during showers, almost tasteless delicacies, your favourite fragrance/cologne/scent resembling water, not smelling your mum's cooking

and worst of all, not smelling your beloved and the warmth of her hair.

"So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, "Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the LORD has blessed." (Gen 27:27)

It's a ghastly experience. Horrifying and traumatic.
It messes everything around us slowly, surreptitiously. Especially the people whom we love, and they who love us back, most.

My ordeal had lasted till Sunday morning, when the stench of my towel and the fresh smell of shirt have became more apparent. Mum's curry could be whiffed at least from arm's length. It was exhilarating and Ms. Koh was the first person I shared in my relief. As I sat to savour the previously-less-appreciated curry, I came to think about our spiritual senses.

"Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and, taking some of all the clean animals and clean birds, he sacrificed burnt offerings on it. The LORD smelled the pleasing aroma and said in his heart: "Never again will I curse the ground because of man, even though every inclination of his heart is evil from childhood. And never again will I destroy all living creatures, as I have done." (Gen 8:20)

Scientifically saying, we smell because of little nerves within our noses, which food molecules bind onto, sending signals to our brain... and so on. A pleasing aroma never fails to arouse anticipation, bring on a smile, even encourage enthusiasm and hope. Our sense of smell not only welcomes fragrance and sweet-scents, but also warns us of danger in harm's way. Imagine eating something bad and not realising it until the ambulance arrives.

A Christian hedonist believes that God's glory can only be seen unless we take pleasure solely in His presence and power. That involves our five senses. Physical and Spiritual. Being one with God and taking Him in is the key in this claim.

"Smelling" His bread of life, freshly-baked, warm and toasty, waking up to smell the coffee of His creation is definitely far more rewarding after this experience of losing it. But why only realise after it has come and gone? I believe that our afflictions do mean to happen in a similar manner. Sure we don't feel God's voice or blessings sometimes, and even if we did, sure our shallow faith freaks the living daylights out of us first, before the possibility of what God has in place for us would set in.

But unless we believe, breathe on, smell more and look forward to what our lives have in store for us, unless we cling onto the prayers of our loves and their presence in our loves, unless we believe... Really. Believe. in what God has promised us, the food we anticipate will cease to arrive to our hearts and bellies.



Thank you Lord for what you have revealed and encouraged me to see... and smell these past days. I love you for giving me love through the people closest in my heart. I praise you for healing and never despising my minuscule faith. Help me Jesus to smell and know you more in this life. Help me to love, appreciate, anticipate your promises. I want to love those you have entrusted me past, present and future, more and more. Amen.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Only Go for The Good Stuff

Catholic or not, you won't regret it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Rulebook

Sometimes, I wish there were a rulebook. An instructional which tells you when the line's been crossed. It would be nice if you could see it coming, but I don't know how to fit it into a viable theorem. Engineer talk. You take it where you can get it, and let go when it's time to.

Maybe there are no rules at the end of the day. Maybe the rules are still something you have to make for yourself... and eventually for others. Where do we start really? Perhaps that's why they call Him "The Source", "The Creator". Perhaps that's why he had to personally inscribe The Ten Commandments by er, hand?

After all, it's our mistakes that make us who we are today. Take it, take root in The Word, make new rules, lock them up and keep it close to your heart. It matters.

You might just find yourself growing in proportions unimaginable.

"Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights."

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (NLT)